The secrets of the universe lie hidden in the shadows of your experience. Look for them! - Pete
(Excerpt from Pete’s Drug Related Experiences.)
My final experience with marijuana came in the Summer of 1981. One of our magazine subscribers, C, from Pennsylvania, came to visit us for several days. I can’t remember whether it had anything to do with the fact I had missed publishing deadlines or not.
At the time, I was depressed and suffering from psoriatic or roving arthritis. Joints all over my body, including the toes and bones of my right foot, were swollen and sore. For a whole year I limped around with the middle finger of my left hand locked in a straight position. Whenever I closed my hand, it looked like I was giving someone the finger. When C realized I was depressed, she asked me if I wanted to share a joint with her. Surprised by her request, I said, no. When she asked if she could smoke one, I said, yes.
The next day as Sandra, C and I sat around the kitchen table discussing different metaphysical concepts and magazine articles, I told her we were thinking about discontinuing Coordinate Point. She said she expected as much and again asked me if I wanted to share a joint with her. Since the cat was out of the bag about the magazine and I felt even more depressed, I said, okay.
After a couple of hits (Sandra refused to partake), C started asking me questions. She wanted to know how I felt about myself and the magazine. Even though her questions seemed really personal, I decided to go along for the ride. Suddenly I was Ralph Bellamy (the actor who was still alive at the time) talking with that distinct gravely voice of his. I was telling C, I’m tired and I don’t want to do this anymore (publish the magazine). I’ve worked long enough and hard enough in my life; all I want to do is retire and be left alone.
As Ralph continued to complain to C, another part of me shifted focus, materializing as a shaft of light in the middle of a hollow chest cavity (my own?). Jutting out from the chest walls around me were shadow boxes, which reminded me of the Hollywood Squares show on television. Each contained an old person (I was 39 years old at the time). Some people sat against the side wall of their box while others faced straight out with their legs dangling over the edge. Some of the women wore short cotton summer dresses with their nylon stockings rolled down around their ankles while others wore bathrobes and muumuus. The men were in retirement-home garb too. Some wore bathrobes and others wore pajamas or sweats. Some people looked like they were suffering from strokes while others appeared to be suffering from dementia. Many were drooling. Most looked distant, as they waited to die. They looked tired, done with life. Did this scene, these people, represent the state of my psyche?
Numb with shock, I continued to rotate and absorb the full impact of this depressing scene. On each turn, I began to notice a dark shadowy figure moving back and forth behind the rear wall of my chest cavity. His large hands rested against my chest cavity wall as he moved his head back and forth from one side of my backbone to the other. He wanted to see inside. As I continued to observe him, the back wall of my chest cavity grew less opaque. Finally, it revealed a large, powerful young man who reminded me of the comic book character, Hulk. More than see inside, he wanted to get inside. Before leaving this vision, I popped outside my chest cavity to help him get in.
Summoned back outside at this point, Ralph is just finishing up his rant. The effect of the marijuana was wearing off and my heightened sense of awareness was fading. Despite Ralph’s depressing mood and the nursing home state of my psyche, I began to feel a glimmer of hope. Something inside me was changing.
Although I suspect C was performing therapy on me, I didn’t ask her if it was intentional or spontaneous. Whatever it was, it gave me insight into my current situation and hope for the future. At this time in my life, both physically and mentally, I was in terrible shape. After C left for the airport later in the day, I realized I didn’t know much about her other than she emigrated from Germany and since moving to the United States, she had lived in Florida and Pennsylvania.
The next morning, after Sandra and the kids left for work and school, my thoughts returned to the amazing experience of the day before. In my imagination, I rejoined the powerful young man behind my backbone as he struggled to break into my chest cavity/psyche. Together, we broke through, which visibly disturbed the old people. Before I knew what was happening, the young man grew much larger and in one swift motion raised his arms, sweeping away every last one of the old people.
Just like that it was the dawning of a new day. I had a new canvas to write on! I decided to stop publishing my money-losing magazine and get a regular job. I knew that if I wanted to be healthy and live a long life, I was going to have to change my attitude, exercise regularly and improve my diet. I would just have to do my idealistic stuff in my spare time. Right now, I had an economic future to think about.
For days and weeks afterward, whenever I was at home alone, I would flex my muscles like a body builder and growl with the energy and power of the Hulk (I still do it now sometimes). I knew this was my road back to health and happiness in life. Thirty years later I still exercise regularly and eat well, not because I’m afraid of dying but because I love looking good and feeling great! I also do it because I love my family and this world, and still think there is more I can contribute.
Even though I’m sharing my drug-related experiences with you, I don’t advocate their use. In many cases they’re considered illegal. Personally, I prefer a clear mind when I explore the nature of my own consciousness. It makes me a better observer. In fact, my most profound experiences in altered states happen when my mind is clearest. Openness, fearlessness and curiosity also play a vital role in experiencing altered states of consciousness.
Many of us have been convinced that looking inward on our own is dangerous. It is not if we refuse to be frightened by it. Like everything else, it’s best to start with baby steps. When we really want to know something it’s as if the entire universe cooperates to make it happen. In other words, we get what we concentrate on whether it’s by design or default. There are no accidents so it’s up to us to be clear on what we want.
- Pete, http://realtalkworld.com
We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
We create our own reality from what we choose to believe about ourselves, and the world around us.
If we do not CONSCIOUSLY choose our own beliefs, we UNCONSCIOUSLY absorb them from our surroundings.
If we are accountable (responsible) for our actions, how can we afford NOT to question our beliefs?
How you define yourself, and the world around you, forms your intent, which, in turn, forms your reality. - Seth
The more we love and understand ourselves, the better we treat ourselves, and the world.
Blessings of love and understanding be to us all.
Change yourself, and the world, for the better with Philosophy On T-Shirts! (POTS)
