by Roger A. “Pete” Peterson
The secrets of the universe lie hidden in the shadows of our experience. Look for them!
While meditating in my room one day, in the mid 1980s, I experienced a profound state of forgiveness and release of love.
After completing the mantra portion (ten minutes or so) of my meditation (Transcendental Meditation or TM), I sat quietly, letting thoughts bubble up to the surface of my mind and then disappear. As this process of quiet observation continued, one area of thought began to grow and take center stage. It was my early years and the volatile relationship I had with my mother and stepfather growing up. After turning seventeen (September 24, 1959) in my senior year of high school, I decided to leave school and home. In early November I quit school and joined the Air Force. During the four years and nine months I spent in the service, I returned home several times on leave. It was always the same. Whenever we had a family gathering, we’d drink. Soon, old wounds would resurface and we would start arguing. One time my stepfather was acting so aggressive towards me, I had to hold him off with both hands, gripping his white dress shirt on both sides of his chest. As he surged forward to make a point, his shirt tore apart in my hands, shocking us both and ending the fight. Neither one of us knew how to deal with anger in a constructive way.
After reliving this embarassing bit of history in meditation, I began to see my parents in a new light. Instead of thinking about what they didn’t do, I began to think about what they did do! I realized that despite their own personal challenges in life, they managed to feed four boys and keep a roof over our heads. Every year we planted a large garden. Dad had a race horse when he married my mother, which later turned into three, so we went to races and fairs every year. When I turned twelve, Dad sold his horses and bought a thirty-foot boat that was rumored to have been used by Joe kennedy and others to run rum and guns up from Cuba, through the Florida Keys.
During the summer we cruised Casco Bay off Portland (Maine), fished, swam, water skied and had picnics on Basket Island. At home, over the years, we had chickens, goats, cats, dogs, rabbits, rhubarb and even flowers to share life with. We were able to ice skate, climb trees and walk in the woods alone as kids.
What more could I ask of my parents, I thought? Suddenly, I realized they had done the best they could with what they knew at the time. We were all doing the best we could! In that amazing moment of understanding I couldn’t help but forgive them, and myself, for our imagined sins. In meditation, I asked them to forgive me for being so angry and ungrateful for so long. The tension and negativity that had existed between us for so long melted away and, in a further moment of profound insight, I realized there was nothing to forgive! When we’re doing the best we can, what more can we ask of ourselves? What, really, is there to forgive?
Yes, we can do better! But, to do better, we need to give ourselves time, encouragement and room to grow, instead of demanding change from each other. Many of us think that the goals, demands and expectations of life rob us of these things, but that’s not true. It’s up to each one of us to make time for change. If we’re not ready, or able to do so in this moment, we will be in some future moment.
After this meditation, my relationship with my parents completelychanged. During later visits, we treated each other in new and loving ways. Even though they didn’t directly experience the revelation I did, it seemed to affect them just as much. Our relationship was no longer guarded and stressful, and there was no more heavy drinking or arguing.
My current challenge is to find better ways to relate to all mankind, which seems a bit more challenging! But how can we evolve without challenge?
Pete – http://realtalkworld.com
We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. - Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
We create our own reality from what we choose to believe about ourselves, and the world around us.
If we do not CONSCIOUSLY choose our own beliefs, we UNCONSCIOUSLY absorb them from our surroundings.
If we are accountable (responsible) for our actions, how can we afford NOT to question our beliefs?
How you define yourself, and the world around you, forms your intent, which, in turn, forms your reality. – Seth
The more we love and understand ourselves, the better we treat ourselves, and the world.
Blessings of love and understanding be to us all.
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